Leave and let live

Saddness engulfs me. It binds me and fastens me to a cold metallic pole. I am naked. The bare metal rod presses hard against my half-beaten back. I feel the warmth of the blood in my wounds fade away and the houseflies on the pus buzz away. My only friends have left me. The wounds are naked. I feebly call out, "No! Come back!Don't go!" They don't listen. It's flogging a dead horse, or maybe flogging what will be left of me by sunrise; a corpse-only this time it won't be talking. Warmth gives way to cold, my hope gives way to despair, my eyes give way to tears, my love gives way to hate and my pride gives way to shame. I am a cold, half-beaten, half-eaten, half living, half dying, half bleeding, completely naked, completely sad, completely hopeless and completely disoriented. The evolution of my character does not cease. I feel the cold inside me. My heart more than just an icebox, it's the top of the Himalayas. But even the Himalayas are happy. Siva dwells there with Parvati, engulfed in love that lasts a thousand years. Himalaya is a blissful place. A place of first love, first date and if you are lucky, first mate. I have had my firsts. I lost it all to her. My youth and youthful treasures, all lost in one moment. The moment when everything was nice and dandy,spick and span, sleek and slide with no sweat, maybe a little swagger to add some spice......yet this same day i got screwed in all sense of the word.

I see her now and my heart is fonder.She knows my inner shame, she knows my inner thought, she has seen me clothed and without apparel and she knows my every shame. I embrace her but I cry. I kiss her but I am in pain. We lie on the ground and engage in elaborate Karma Sutra but internally, we are not one...or maybe we are? My alpha and omega, yet she reduces me to a slave, an object, a tool, a device, a medium, paraphernalia, a handy tool...I am always breaking away but she keeps pulling me back, i feel like Nelly only she doesn't need me, I need her. she defines me and I am because she made me this way.